By Michelle Venturini
Another blog about communication skills. What makes this one different?
We’re not going to talk about body language, active listening, or psychological safety. We’re going to talk about habits that improve communication effectiveness before there is something to say.
Our brains crave consistency and predictability. Without it, we’re in a constant state of fight or flight, and it’s impossible for us to focus and engage in meaningful communication.
We know this intuitively. If you contact your clients only when there’s a crisis, they quickly make negative associations with your name in their inbox. Who wants that? So, you host open houses, bring in guest speakers, and send a regular newsletter.
These are habits that establish a positive association with communication from you. Your clients know that you will be straight-forward when something needs to be addressed, but they also know that’s the exception, not the rule.
The same principles apply to your team members. Surprises and unpredictability create stress and communication barriers, even when the message is positive. That’s common knowledge.
What’s not as commonly recognized are the everyday habits that can build communication effectiveness over time (or destroy it, if they aren’t used). Here are the communication habits you need to develop.
Consistent, Comfortable 1:1 Meetings
These meetings are for your team members’ benefit. They should be able to count on their 1:1 meeting with you, which means it isn’t the first meeting to be cancelled when schedules get tight.
The agenda should be driven by the employee, and there shouldn’t be any surprises. If you share unexpected feedback during a 1:1 meeting — even once — the employee won’t be fully comfortable in future meetings because they’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This sets up 1:1 meetings to be stressful and awkward instead of comfortable and free-flowing. Get in the habit of protecting 1:1 time and creating a stress-free, or at least a stress-reduced, zone.
Rephrase “Do You Have a Minute?”
Five words that create dread in the most seasoned professional. Most of the time the impromptu conversation is tame and routine, but once the uncertainty of “what’s this about?” enters the employee’s mind, there’s no amount of rationalization that can overcome the assumption that something bad is going to happen.
Getting in the habit of providing context can make all the difference. “I have some information about your project, do you have time now to talk about it?” or “I need to make changes to next week’s schedule. Can you stop in and tell me your availability?”
This context lets your employees know what to expect and helps them come prepared.
Give Employees Control, Even with Difficult Conversations
The next time you have feedback for a team member try saying, “I have some feedback for you. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about it.”
Chances are they’ll say, “Let’s talk about it now,” but the conversation will be much more productive because you’ve given them control over the timing.
If you use this tool regularly, employees will develop trust that you won’t blindside them. Even when the timing of a difficult conversation can’t be negotiated, if you’ve built a habit of giving employees as much control as possible, the conversation will be easier because of the trust you’ve accumulated.
Follow Up
When we’re surprised, even a little, our brains don’t process or retain information well. Surprised employees might converse and appear to contribute, but their brains are in full cope-and-recover mode, and you might as well be talking in different languages.
To overcome this and avoid misunderstandings about commitments and decisions, make it a habit to follow up with email or a second conversation to confirm agreement and understanding.
These are habits that will add consistency and predictability to your communication strategy. Or, to put it another way, without these habits, your employees will come to expect stress and surprise with your communication style.
Tone, body language, effective listening, and creating a safe space are all important to good communication, but they can’t overcome the barrier that exists when good habits are missing.
Take some time to build effective communication in World Class Communication. This one-day program is designed to help you better understand effective communication techniques and delivery.
Michelle Venturini is a CPED instructor and an independent consultant providing HR consulting services and coaching. She has more than 25 years of leadership and operations experience across all HR functions. She has earned her SPHR designation and holds an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater.